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"Squawks"
"Squawks" are official problems noted by U.S. Air Force pilots and handed to the flight maintenance crews to fix before the next flight
Here are some actual (!) declassified maintenance complaints logged by U.S.A.F. pilots and the subsequent replies from the flight maintenance crews.
(P) = Problem (detailed by pilot)
(S) = Solution (detailed by flight maintenance crew)
(P) Left inside tyre almost needs replacement
(S) Left inside tyre almost replaced.
(P) Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
(S) Auto-land not fitted on this aircraft.
(P) No. 2 prop seeping prop fluid.
(S) No. 2 prop seepage normal - Nos. 1, 3, & 4 props lack normal seepage.
(P) Something loose inside cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.
(P) DME volume set unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.
(P) Dead bug on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on order.
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
(S) Cannot reproduce problems in the lab.
(P) IFF inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
(S) That's what they're there for.
(P) No. 3 engine missing.
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right", and be serious.
(P) Target radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed Target radar with the words.
It's highly unlikely that any of these are true, so if any of you can think of any others, mail them to me, and I will add them to this list. SEND IN YOUR SQUAWKS
